Urinalysis, more like weirdanalysis

So, today I was doing my thing at work and I get this call from the orderly room telling me to report ASAP!!!. I was like, what's it about? She was like, I can't discuss it over the phone. I was like, this is weird. So, I'm like driving over to the orderly room and I'm thinking, well, it's not my birthday and I haven't done anything really noteworthy. I was like, I hope I'm not in trouble. When I got there, she's like, you need to go do a golden flow, I'm like, what?! She's like, you have been randomly selected to do a urinalysis. I'm LOL, good thing I'm not in trouble, or doing drugs for that matter. So, I went to the drug testing center and like this big black woman asked me a few questions and had me sign some stuff, and then told me to carry my urine container above my shoulder so, you know, I couldn't like switch it out or something with a fake sample. Cuz, like, holding it above your shoulder has like magical properties that will make you not cheat on a urine exam. So then get this, she calls out, Male observer! and I'm like whoa, some dudes gonna watch me do this. I had heard about this before, but it didn't sink in until I was face to face with him and my...sample. So, we chatted in the bathroom for a bit and made some jokes, it was actually quite a nice experience considering he was watching me pee into a container. So, I gave the container to the Big black woman, who I like to call "Big Bertha." That's right, you know what I'm talking about. And walked out the door a different man, I don't know about better, but definitely different. I'm glad it's totally over and like I pray that I don't have to do that again for a long time.