Knott's Berry Farm in a Knutt Shell

A couple of weeks ago I received an email at work stating that military could get into Knott's Berry Farm for free along with one other person and any additional people would get in for $12.95. It seemed like a good deal to me, so I asked Dan and Rachel to come with me. I was excited to go on some roller coasters as was Rachel. Dan on the other hand was thinking all we'd be doing is jam tasting and walking through mazes (don't ask me *shrugs shoulders*). Boy was Dan in for a surprise, and in some ways I was too.

Well, last Saturday we went down to taste some jam, er go on roller coasters. When we first entered the park my sense of sight was attacked by the shear volume of theme. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a cool theme. It was a ghost town theme...kind of, except it was full of people and devoid of ghosts. A few undead would have really made the place worthy of it's supposed theme, but I digress.

To get things off to a good start we decided to hit up a roller coaster called "Ghost Rider." Ghost rider rated a 5 out of 5 on the "Thrill" meter at Knott's Berry Farm. To give you an idea of how cool this roller coaster was I copy and pasted its stats below:

GhostRider®

THE WEST'S BEST WOODEN COASTER!

The Timber-Twisting Facts About....

The Track: 4,533 feet -- constructed from 2.5 million board feet of treated long-leaf southern yellow pine to blend in with Knott's classic Ghost Town theming.

The Height: 118 feet -- lowest point to highest point. One single, chain-driven lift raises mining cars to the crest of the initial hill, with the laws of gravity providing the power for the rest of the ride.

The Initial Drop: 108-foot banked drop - longest banked wooden coaster drop in the Western U.S. GhostRider reach a speed of 56 mph at an angle of 51 degrees at this point.

Length of Ride: 2 minutes

Speed: GhostRiders reach a maximum speed of 56 mph.

Number of Hills: 14

Number of Crossovers: 10

Number of Bridges: 3

Number of Brakes: 15

Number of Friction Drives: 4

Maximum Track Bank Angle: 42.5 degrees

G-Force: +3.14

As you can see by the scientific stats that I posted it = awesome (at least for Knott's Berry Farm because 6 flags pwns Knott's face).

After a level 5 thrill from Ghost Rider we decided to have lunch.

We went on a few more rides after lunch but none worth mentioning. In fact, Knott's Berry Farm itself isn't worth mentioning except for one ride. This one ride is the pinnacle of all rides thrill. I heard that the designers of this ride went mad after they conceived it because it was so AWESOME! True story. Although I had gone on many tall and fast rides in my life, none of which exist at Knott's Berry Farm, nothing could prepare me for the shear force of AWESOME that was/is...Hat Dance. And with a tag line such as, "Spin your own colorful sombrero to your heart's content" who could deny it's awesomeness. (Note to readers: Hat Dance is a cheap rip off of the Tea Cups at Disneyland...or is it?)

Just to show you how awesome this ride is I've made up the following stats:

Thrill level: 3 (this is actually true)

Speed: a whopping 10/mph...if that

ride length: too long once you get it spinning

Re-ride factor: 0.03%

Vomit factor: VERY HIGH

Okay, so, Dan, Rachel and me pile into a mexican salsa cup with a sombrero overhead at Rachel's request. We barely fit since it wasn't made to accommodate 3 adults. But we rolled with it, or rather spun with it. When the ride operator was done spewing out his instructions which no one cared to hear or could understand we decided to "Spin our own colorful sombrero to our heart's content." It went a lot like the scene from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder, where Willie Wonka takes them on a boat ride and then loses what little sanity he had left and just cracks on them and starts screaming like a madman and showing them videos of chickens getting their heads cut off. The only difference is that we weren't on a boat. After about a minute of spinning our teacup, er sombrero, and laughing maniacally and spouting off impromptu poems of madness I started to feel really sick to my stomach. And for the next 2 mins I just sat in the teacup, er sombrero and let my head thrash about because it took all my will power not to heave all over Dan and Rachel.

It took me about an hour and a half and a trip to the bathroom to shrug off the total awesomeness of the Mexican Hat ride.

I didn't do anything worth remembering after that, in fact I'm trying to forget Knott's Berry Farm altogether, but I don't think that I'll ever be able to forget that a "level 3 Thrill ride" called "Hat Dance" bested me after a life time of going on roller coasters that would make lesser men defecate in their pantaloons.

In the end:

Hat Dance: 1

Rich: 0

P.S. If you ever go to Knott's Berry Farm, which I highly don't recommend, don't follow any signs that say, "Knott's this way." Because they don't lead you to Knott's Berry Farm.