Recently I have been hearing the word "sword" a lot. This has very much to do with the fact that it is in the Airmen's Creed.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airman's_Creed)

The word "sword" brings many awesome images to my mind when I hear it. It conjures up bright flashing katanas, or black stealthy ninjatos, rapiers, foils, broadswords, claymores, you name it. However, it brings pain to my ears as if a "sword" were being shoved into them when someone pronounces it wrong.

I have heard a few people really go crazy with the "w" in the word "sword."

I will direct you to an online dictionary that has a voice pronunciation guide on how to say "sword" correctly.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sword)

Just click on the little speaker icon and it will show you the light.

Now for those of you who need more than one reference, behold!

1. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sword)

2. (http://www.yourdictionary.com/sword) this dictionary is actually more lost than the poor souls at my work, it was pronouncing it "smells-word." Who knew?

3. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/sword)

4. (http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?refid=1861717595)

5. Here is a link to 28 other dictionaries. I don't want to list anymore.

(http://www.onelook.com/?loc=pub&w=sword)

There you have it. 31 (minus the retarded one) dictionaries online (and as we all know, everything we read/hear online is true) say that you don't pronounce the "w."

An Open Letter:

Dear Co-workers who insist on living in ignorance and pronouncing "sword" with a very heavy accent on the "w," You are wrong. Stop saying "swwwword" and start pronouncing it correctly. Sean Connery's antics on Celebrity Jeopardy are funny. You are not. You sound stupid. So, please either say it right or stick a "swwword" in my head so I don't have to hear your idiotic pronunciations. Better yet, stick the "sword" in your head.

Sincerely,

Your friend and co-worker, Richard Hart

I haven't been pissed off at anything enough to write a note about it lately. That pisses me off. So, I'm going to write a note about how I wish I was pissed off at something so I could write about it. (anyone know why my mom always used to get mad at me for saying "piss" or "pissed off?" Is pissed really that bad of a slang word? She didn't like crap either.)

It's like this. In my opinion, which is really all that matters at this point, is that most writers/song writers/authors/wordsmiths write better when they are pissed off more or less. I mean, take a good break up song for example. Those are almost always more emotional charged than some love song. And that's the way it should be!

All my faithful readers, of which there are none, may be wondering; "Did Rich just break up with someone?" and the answer would be no. You may also be wondering,just like me, if I used that semi-colon correctly in the first sentence of this paragraph. I really can't tell you. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I haven't had a girlfriend to break up with for a while.

Recently, I have been reading "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey. And guess what folks, he's a real person. I think me and Jack Handey are kindred spirits, but not in a gay way.

I bought some green shoes, some new jeans, a green shirt, and a white sweater jacket with orange and green stripes going down the arms. I think it looks cool, but then again I've been out of the fashion loop for a while.

Also, one more thing, sometimes I sensor my notes because I have friends on facebook and I wouldn't want certain informations leaking out. It sucks, cuz sometimes I just want to be like, (insert name here) really bugs the (insert expletive here) out of me.

The End.

Sometimes in school, like when I was in elementary school, I'd end my stories with "The End." Then my teachers would tell me that was stupid and not to do it anymore. So, I was like, WTF? It's the end of the story, what am I supposed to say? I guess they wanted me to write a really convincing ending paragraph that stood on it's own. Kind of like Milly's stew from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (points awarded for obscure movie reference.)

The End (for real)

Have you ever been hanging out with someone or in a group and there is that guy/girl who is hanging out with you but they aren't really engaged in the conversation or activity because they are too busy texting other people who aren't hanging out with said group? (yay for run on sentences!)

Or are you that guy/girl who is constantly texting while hanging out and can't seem to focus or give your full attention to the activity/conversation at hand?

Well if you are that guy/girl you might want to consider the following. Texting is the modern whisper. My mom told me not to whisper in front of others because it wasn't polite. I generally believe and follow that. I think the same can be said about texting in front of others if you are doing it to an extreme where you are disengaged with your present company. I think there will come a time where there are children's books and little moral lessons about not texting when you are in a group.

I know that it's necessary sometimes to text while in the company of others. We've all done it. But just remember this the next time you want to text while you are hanging out with people. "Texting is the modern whisper."

Also, it's really uncool to talk in another language in front of others who don't speak it. (i.e. Italian, Spanish, French, Swahili, insert a language here). I don't care if you want to practice. If you can't say what you want to say in English or the language that everyone in the room speaks, then don't say it until later when you are alone. It's really annoying and kind of awkward for the people who don't speak the language.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Well, I'm sure you've done both of the afore mentioned things." To that I say, yeah, I'm sure I have, but I'm trying to make a difference now and change it.

The million dollar question tonight is, "Why are traffic lights so dumb?"

If I knew the answer I'd be rich (and no, there is no pun intended there. That joke was old before you thought of telling it to me next time you see me.)

Okay, so I'm driving home from Family Home Evening tonight and I have an experience that I'm sure many if not all of you have had. I came to a 4 way intersection with a traffic light. As you may also know, there is a window of time between when the light goes from green to yellow to red where you can do one of two things. Most Utahan's (or if you like, insert said bad driver from said state here) believe it to be normal/safe/okay to try and speed through the intersection to avoid being caught in the red light trap of death. That would be your first option. Most other people think it's probably wiser and safer to slow down and just take the red light. There is your second option.

I however was not given the choice to dash through the light or to slow down. I missed that opportunity by coming up on the light when I was too far away and it had just turned red. I won't comment on what I would have done given the choice.

Being stuck in traffic at this red light was like most other red light experiences I have had, and no, I'm not talking about ladies of the night, that's another story. Being stuck at the light annoyed me. Because I don't like waiting at red lights. Who does?

To help the time pass I was burning holes in the other traffic light so I could know the instant it turned from green to red. That most glorious moment finally came and I turned my head to my own light. To my dismay I found that it was still red. So, I did a quick check to my left to see the other light. It was also still red. I thought to myself, 'Why are traffic lights so dumb?" Utterly annoyed and frustrated that all four lights were red and no one was able to go, I waited. I waited some more and finally my light turned green and I thought of this story on the rest of my drive home.

I don't know what devil worshiping mutants set the timers for the traffic lights in Rosamond but they need to be stopped.

An open letter to the City of Rosamond:

Dear City of Rosamond the supposed "Gateway to Progress,"

You are most definitely not the gateway to progress. In fact, you are the opposite of progress. You are crap. Please change the timers of your traffic lights so that the instant the other one turns red, mine turns green. If you cannot handle this momentous task then please send the City of Lancaster to do your dirty work.

P.S. Your traffic lights suck.

P.P.S. Your town hasn't changed much since "circa 1950's." Some gateway to progress...

V/R

Redfaced in Rosamond 

This is just a short little note on a subject that also needed to be talked about. I'm sure most people already do this, but to those of you who don't, I'm talking to you with this note. It's nothing personal, just fix it.

When you give a talk in church or share you testimony you shouldn't end it with, "In the name of thy son,....Amen." This is because you are addressing the congregation and not God.

However, if you were saying a prayer it would be completely appropriate to end your prayer with, "In the name of they son, .....Amen."

To end your talk or testimony you can use any variation of the following phrase: "In the name of....Amen." Just remember to not use, "In the name of thy son,....Amen." "Thy Son" being the key.

I hope I didn't offend anyone too much, but if you aren't saying it right take this opportunity to fix it. Thanks.

!!!!!WARNING!!!!!! I FULLY EXPECT TO OFFEND SOME PEOPLE WITH THIS NOTE, BUT I FEEL IT NEEDS TO BE SAID!!!!!!!

Saying Aloha or any other similar greeting during a talk in Sacrament meeting is wrong and disrupts the spirit.

When I experienced my first aloha I thought it was kind of unique. I even thought it was kind of cool. Then, as my life progressed and I experienced more and more alohas, I started to get annoyed and finally, upset.

Sacrament meeting isn't open mic night, it's not comedy hour and it's not a time for Alohas.

Some of you may be thinking, "But Rich, it's their culture and it doesn't do any harm" To that I say, so what if it's their culture and it DOES do harm. Using the old "that's their culture" line is bull crap. And it needs to stop. Here's an extreme example of culture that wouldn't be accepted in church for obvious reasons. What if you were from the hood/projects/slums and it was your culture to greet people with, "Sup Ni*$*, Mother F***ing Bi@*#?" I think most of us would agree that would be inappropriate not only to open a sacrament meeting talk, but also in any setting. It would certainly disrupt the spirit.

I mean, can you imagine some dude starting his talk with, "Sup Mother F*&#ers!?" Inevitably there would be some smart A@@ (probably me if I were there) in the congregation who would answer back, "Sup Mother F@#$er!" before the speaker was tackled by the Bishop and asked never to speak again.

You may be thinking, "but Rich, people wouldn't dare think of doing that in church." To that I say, people shouldn't dare think of saying aloha to open their talks in church.

So, what makes us think that saying Aloha is any different in principle? Because it's cute? or maybe because it's not a swear word(s)?

Well, guess what folks, it doesn't matter if it's cute or not a swear word because it still disrupts the spirit.

Now, notice, I didn't say Alohas were inherently bad. Since my Hawaiian is a little rusty, and by that I mean I've never had any Hawaiian classes in my life, I'm pretty sure Aloha means, "hello" and "goodbye." There is nothing wrong with saying aloha in other settings. For example, a good place to say aloha may be at a Toast Master's convention, or during a public speaking class, and possibly if you are meeting the in-laws for the first time and they are Hawaiian. But not in Sacrament meeting.

I'm 99.99% positive that I was in a Sacrament meeting where I not only had the displeasure of hearing an Aloha, but I also heard a Talofa or something. I think it was Samoan or Tongan. I also fully understand it's

some islanders culture to beat up/maim/kill people who get their different languages mixed up. I'll guess I'll have to take my chances with this note. lol But what the heck is up with two greetings in one Sacrament meeting!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!

In the end, if you take anything away from this note it should be this,

"Avoid opening your talks in Sacrament meeting with Aloha, Talofa, or any other islander greeting that requires a direct response from the congregation, and of course don't start with, Sup Mother F*&^%ers?!"

Until next time,

ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!! WARNING!!!! IN HONOR OF MY 50TH NOTE ON FACEBOOK, WHICH I'M SURE YOU ALL REALLY CARE ABOUT, I WILL BE WRITING 50 THINGS THAT BUG ME. !!!!WARNING!!!!

1. I can't stand Alberson's. Unfortunately for me, they are the closest grocery store to my house and my time is short, so I find myself shopping there out of convenience. But their convenience doesn't come with out a price. That price, is your soul...and your money. It's unbelievable how much they mark up their items. It's usually by a dollar or more. So, to make you feel like you saved money and they are heroes they make you get a card. The "preferred savings" card. That translates into the, "you have to get this card so you can buy stuff at what any other store would consider a normal price and then we track your purchases and send you advertisements about them" card. Quite frankly I'm appalled. But, I'm not in a big rush to drive 30 minutes to Wal-Mart either. So, I guess I'll just have to write a blog about how much I dislike Albertson's and their stupid preferred savings card.

2. Crazy Liberal Hippies

3. I can't stand light switches in bathrooms that activate both the light and the fan. I am a firm believer that those two functions should have separate switches.

4. slow internet

5. accidentally pushing the forward or backward button on my internet browser and losing all that I wrote on a note on facebook. ( I just did that, this is take two on this note.)

six. WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPS

7. trying to get out of parking lots after a large meeting (i.e. any conference in the church, or large meetings on base)

ocho. when people speak in another language around you and you don't know it

00111001. (some of you will recognize this immediately, others will just realize that since it's right after eight, it must be....). Anti-American Hippies

10. Aquaman

once. losing my car keys, locking my car keys in my car...while running, locking myself out of my house...

12. hosting a BBQ, only to find out 20 mins before it starts, the propane tank has a problem and you won't be able to BBQ.

XIII. Barbarian Boots, especially the ones with little pom-poms hanging off them

14. people who think it's cool to fail at school...honestly folks, how is that cool

15. living/driving in snow

16. getting up early

17. Government standard thin toilet paper in public restrooms

18. People who use the carpool lane to pass. Learn to use the carpool lane correctly!

19. The little reflective bumps on the freeways. I always feel like my tires are going to pop when I drive over them. Those of you who haven't traveled outside of Utah may not know what I'm talking about.

XX. Meeting a hot chick who you can't date because she's either A. enlisted B. a non-member (idealistically she could convert, realistically it's not going to happen) or C. both

21. people who take political correctness out of proportion or who get easily offended by over generalizations. When you're talking to me and I overgeneralize, I absolutely 100% know that it's an over generalization and it's probably a gross over generalization and it's probably not true and there are exceptions to all the rules. But guess what, generalizations exist because generally they are true. Go figure. so, all you people who don't like over generalizations are stupid.

22. Ron Paul

23. not having a computer desk

24. Giving my tithing check to the ward and not having it cashed for like 2-3 weeks. In fact, any check that I give you better be cashed the same week I give it to you regardless of what it's for. I hate waiting for them to clear. Thank goodness for debit cards and PINs. They clear instantly.

25. Hearing the sound, "Irregardless"

26. Hearing someone say, PIN number or ATM machine (this really depends on my mood and if the girl is hot who said it)

27. people who won't admit that being physically attracted to a potential date/BF/GF/spouse is important, nay either #1 or #2 priority.

28. BYU (don't get me started)

29. when you start to write something with a pen and all of the sudden the ink runs out. So, you move it around in circles rapidly in another location on another piece of paper to get the ink flowing again, and then when you go back to write your original document it doesn't work again. Then you repeat the process and it still doesn't work. What is up with that?

30. Losing garment tops or bottoms. I have no clue how my garments get out of sync.

31. gas prices

32. dog's that bark for no apparent reason. What's up with that?

33. Apple's "mighty mouse." This is the second mouse I've had and the little gray ball broke again.

34. playing Tower Defense games on hard. How do they expect you to beat it? I can't imagine anyone beating it on insane.

35. random car problems that cost a lot of money to fix, that always seem to happen at inconvenient times

36. The fact that my 3.5% annual raise got vetoed and my raise is still up in the air

37. Stupid Hollywood stars who think the military gets paid too much

38. most forwarded emails. Although, Robbie does a good job at work at sending cool ones that I actually read.

39. skinny jeans

40. most of the popular fashion these days

41. European style shoes, you know, the ones with ridiculously long toes. They look like elf shoes. They look stupid.

42. people who aren't grateful

43. Gangs and gangsters. I say let them shoot each other out and get rid of them all.

44. Reality TV. nuff said.

45. Spelling and Grammar mistakes. I'm a hypocrite I know. However, if it's something I notice, it bugs me.

46. People who complain about getting hit with dodge balls while playing dodge ball

47. Losing a document because you forgot to save and the computer decides to crash

48. The smell of fish food

49. people talking on cell phones in the library! I will punch you in the mouth bone if you do that around me.

50!!! I think everyone will agree that Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns and Roses is about as kick arse a song as it gets. If you don't think that then you are a commie pig and anti-American and you can just get the heck out of my country. With that said, I went to itunes store and tried to buy the song. Unfortunately for me, my internet was being slow. And it was taking forever for it to do anything. So, I thought maybe if I pushed the purchase button again it would fix it. Well, it didn't. So, I pushed it another 2 times. Finally it download. The problem is this, itunes charged me 4 times for the song. And I can see it plainly on my online bank statement. That really bugs me. Although, considering the song purchased, I decided to let it slide.

Seriously folks what the he^^ is up with barbarian boots?

Are you girls part of a tribe of barbarians? Do you live in the Siberian Wastelands? Do you really need to wear tight, form fitting jeans and barbarian boots over those jeans?

If you're going to wear the boots how come you don't have the rest of the outfit? Where is your leather bra with metal cups? Where is your leather bikini bottom? Why don't you have a Valkyrie helmet? Where is your sword and shield!?!

Fortunately for me, these boots are just a fad that will pass. I hope. Unfortunately, fads seem to find there way back after a few decades.

Seriously though, what the he^^?

Also, don't get me wrong, just because I think these boots are hideous doesn't mean I'm not friends with people who like them. I also would date a girl who likes them. Although, I'd still think they were the stupidest boots ever made.

!!!WARNING, THIS MESSAGE IS A RANT!!!! IT ALSO CONTAINS VARIOUS RUN-ON SENTENCES!!!!

Why are people that work at Taco Bell so D#$% dumb?

I went to Taco Bell this evening to buy myself some burritos. I like to get 2 $.99 bean burritos and add sour cream, guacamole and extra cheese. Tonight I decided to mix it up a bit. I ordered my 2 $.99 burritos, but I only asked for sour cream. The reason I did this was simple. I had exactly $2.75 cash on me and I wanted to get rid of it and not use my debit card, but still get a good tasting meal. I realize some of you may think me crazy for associating Taco Bell with the phrase good tasting. To that I say, to every man his own.

The cashier who must of had all the wisdom of about 17 years rung up my total and said, "That'll be $2.78." I was thinking to myself, oh man! I'm $.03 short, surely I have $.03 in my wallet or pocket. To my dismay I didn't. So, I thought surely this wonderful girl taking my order would come to my rescue and give me the $.03. So, I said, "You don't happen to have $.03 do you?" Without giving it a nano second of though she replied, "No." I was taken a back. I thought to myself, did she really just deny me $.03? So, since I didn't have the cash, I was forced to pull out my debit card and pay $2.78. Now, you may be thinking, "Well, it's your own dang fault for ordering sour cream for your burritos." To that I say, it was THREE EFFING AMERICAN RED CENTS!!!! Give me a d&^ break.

I've done research, and by research I mean I'm just making a guess based on things I've heard and a few signs I've seen at random stores, on the costs of using a debit machine. More cost is involved to the store by running a debit/credit card transaction than for her to give me three measly centavos. So, by denying me tres cents she just cost her precious little Taco Bell a whole lot more.

The story doesn't end here. I guess people at Taco Bell are deaf as they are dumb. Because every dang time I go to Taco Hell, Bell, and I order my food "for here" and not the opposite, "to go" , they hand me my crap, and I say crap affectionately, in a "to go" bag. I am seriously baffled at their perfunctory attitude and inability to hear. To make sure I am not the one at fault, and I assure you I am not, I'd like you to perform a little test. I'll do it with you.

Say the phrase, "For here."

Now say, "To go."

They sound pretty different don't they. The only similarity that I can see, or care to write down is that both phrases consist of two words, two VERY DIFFERENT WORDS!!!

Now, you and I know there is a difference. but I guess Taco Bell doesn't.

Now, I don't have anything against people working at fast food restaurants. Heck, I was even the manager of a burger shop at UVSC. But, seriously, if you can't help someone out with $.03 or tell the difference between "for here" and "to go" please do the world a favor and walk off the long end of a short peer.

I vow from this day forward that I will leave pennies on the counters, registers, penny holding cups, and will even just give them to fellow human beings in need at Taco Bell so that such an atrocity as I suffered will never happen again! or just less often.

An open letter:

Dear Taco Bell,

Quit being such a dumb arse. Give up the $.03 for Pete's sake and train your workers to listen to their customers. I submit you have all your stores put out a penny holding cup and sit all your mindless automans down and show them flash cards of "for here" and "to go" and get them books on tape that just repeat those 2 phrases until they can tell the difference.

Very Respectfully,

Annoyed and Angered in Lancaster

!!!WARNING!!! THIS NOTE IS A BIT LONG WINDED AND AS USUAL IS ABOUT A TRIVIAL SUBJECT!!!! I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY SEIZURES YOU MAY EXPERIENCE CAUSED BY READING THIS, EXCEPT I DON'T.

The best $0.99 (+ tax) you can spend is not found at The Dollar Tree, nor can if be uncovered at All A Dollar. It is found at no other place except Wendy's.

As far as fast food hamburgers go I've always liked Wendy's, notwithstanding that my mother never wanted to go there while growing up. I gained a fond appreciation of their square hamburgers on my own (they taste better that way, true story). One summer while in Oregon my cousin introduced me to the idea of maximum quantity + maximum quality. Our conversation went a little like this,

Me: I'd like a classic double with cheese meal.

Cashier: Okay, that'll be $4.69 (no tax cuz it was Oregon and they are more than a little crazy over there, but at least they don't have food tax).

Cousin: I'd like two Jr Bacon Cheese burgers a small fry and a $0.99 frosty.

Cashier: Okay, that'll be $3.96 (See, all of the items cost $0.99).

I then promptly gawked at my cousins choices wondering why he didn't do what normal people did, you know, get a value meal?

He then illuminated me. He told me it was cheaper to get the Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers and other things versus me spending more money on a value meal, because in the end we both had our fill to eat, mine just cost more. He was right! And I realized then and there that the Jr bacon cheese burgers tasted just as good as my classic double if not more so because of the bacon (quality) and they were cheaper (quantity).

I came home from Oregon a changed man. To reinforce my new found wisdom I frequented my local Wendy's and practiced buying and eating Jr Bacon Cheese Burgers. And boy oh boy, what a practice it was! I soon found out that I liked eating 3 Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers and $0.99 fries and a water. I started calling this the "College Special." I still call it that to this day, although the cashiers don't generally understand what I'm talking about and I have to break..break......break it dooown for them.

A few years later when I was nearing graduation some corporate genius decided to raise the price of the venerated Jr Bacon Cheeseburger to $1.29. I was shocked, saddened, and angered by this ill news. I got the college special a few more times during this dark period. But after a while, I just stopped getting it. I had to stick it to the man! Not long there after, to my wonderful surprise, some other corporate genius decided to lower the price back to $0.99 (I suspect it was the same person trying to save face).

Life was good in Jr Bacon Cheeseburger land until this week. Ben and I went to Wendy's for dinner one night while I was visiting for the Thanksgiving break. We both got a variation of the college special. Then we both noticed something was wrong with our Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers. They weren't under cooked and there wasn't a hair or a thumb in them, but they were noticeably smaller than they used to be. I believe it was the same person who tried to raise the price of the blessed Jr Bacon Cheeseburger, unsuccessfully, that decided to shrink them. I thought it may have been just some fluke in Springville, but it was not so. I had Wendy's down in St. George on my drive home to Cali and to my utter dismay, not only were my burgers small just like in Springville, but St. George is still charging a $1.29 for them. I didn't notice that until the cashier told me it was going to be like almost 6 bucks. I was like, whoa!

I am outraged! As such, I will vent by writing this note and and open letter to Wendy's.

Dear Wendy's,

I have been an avid partaker of your blessed and most sumptuous Jr Bacon Cheeseburger for a long time now. I was heartbroken when you tried to pull a fast one on me and my friends by raising the price to $1.29. I found forgiveness in my heart for you when you lowered the price back to $0.99. But my heart is broken a new with fresh hurt at learning of your recent betrayal to the little man by shrinking the size of the Jr Bacon Cheeseburger. I plead with you, nay I beg of you to either return it to it's former size and glory or lower the price to match the size, say $0.89 or even $0.79. What say ye?

Yours Truly,

Heartbroken and Hungry in Lancaster

Fruit snacks versus Gummies

I've been meaning to write about this topic for a while now. However, I needed to finish gathering my data and thoughts before I pressed, it's that important.

Many of you may not know that I am an avid lover of fruit snacks. So, I decided to educate you about these tasty little treats. Although I will occasionally be seen eating a gummy, I wanted to point out there is a big difference between gummies and fruit snacks and that I prefer fruit snacks to gummies.

From the following data you will see that I have done extensive research on the subject.

Gummies:

-Appearance = Translucent for the most part

-Taste = sweet, mostly fruity

-Chewiness: 10 out of 10. They bounce off my teeth sometimes if I don't bite down on them right.

-Common varieties: Gummy Bears, Gummy Cokes, Gummy Worms, sour gummy bears and sour gummy worms, just add gummy as a prefix and badda bing badda boom.

Fruit Snacks:

-Appearance = Opaque, generally

-Taste = Total awesome sauce, like a party in my mouth!

-Chewiness = your teeth...kind of...just slide right through. A perfect harmony of senses and teeth and fruit snacks.

-Common Varieties = Gushers, Fruit Roll-ups, I want to say shark bites, the generic "smiles," and any other fruit snack that has the right chewiness.

For me, the main difference between a gummy and a fruit snack is the chewiness or viscosity or texture. I can't really find the word I'm looking for to describe the difference. Nevertheless, there is a BIG difference. I hope those reading this understand what I'm trying to describe.

The following are examples of things that try to be fruit snacks but are sorely misguided.

-Hawaiian Punch brand 'fruit snacks.' I bought a box of these the other day hoping for a tasty treat that would tantalize my tongue and teeth. I was sorely displeased with the supposed 'fruit snack.' Not only did they taste like bleh, they didn't 'bite' right. They were way to chewy to be a fruit snack. I give them 2 thumbs down for trying to be what they are clearly not.

-There are some hybrids out there too. They aren't quite gummy and they aren't quite fruit snack. For instance, the Lucky Charms 'fruit snacks' or the Care Bear 'fruit snacks', and basically any that are like them. They aren't translucent like a gummy but they don't have the right chew to be a fruit snack. And they generally taste like crap.

-Cinnamon bears. These deserve a special mention for being the "special" entry into the fruit snack arena. These are clearly not gummies and they are clearly not fruit snacks. What the crap are they?! They're cinnamon bears I guess...You wont' catch me eating them unless you offer me one, and then only then because I'm being polite.

-I don't know how to classify the penny candies you buy at brookside. You know, sour watermelons, and sour apples and grapes, and oranges. The whole fruit salad! All I know...is that I like them...a lot. So, while they may not be a fruit snack, they are definitely a good thing.

-The following entry isn't a fruit snack per se, but more a fruit bar. They are from Jamba Juice. They make them in Strawberry and Mixed Berries. I like them a lot.

If you take anything away from this, just remember that just about anything made by General Mills (i.e. Fruit by the Foot, Fruit Gushers

Fruit Roll-Ups) is going to have my stamp of approval for what is really a fruit snack.

Personal Identification Number (PIN)

I've had PINs for a long time. I've had them for my debit cards, school systems, and most recently my Common Access Card (CAC). In a trip to a local store I made last week I decided to purchase my goods using my debit card, something I normally do since I rarely carry cash. As any one with a debit cards knows, often times you are asked to enter your Personal Identification Number (PIN) to verify and complete the purchase. This purchase was not unique. After the cashier had finished ringing up my total I swiped my card and was asked to enter my "PIN number." Note, I was asked to enter my "PIN number" not my PIN. Saying PIN number is exactly like saying Personal Identification Number Number. This annoyed me...a lot. It's always annoyed me and will most likely continue to annoy me, unless the cashier is super hot, then I let it slide. I know it's a silly little thing, but it really really bugs me.

What are your thoughts? Discuss.

Fish

It has been said, "if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will eat for a life time." Likewise, if you give a man a life-time supply of fish he will eat for a life time and you won't have to waste your time teaching him something boring.

-Rich Hart, Modern Proverb

Knott's Berry Farm in a Knutt Shell

A couple of weeks ago I received an email at work stating that military could get into Knott's Berry Farm for free along with one other person and any additional people would get in for $12.95. It seemed like a good deal to me, so I asked Dan and Rachel to come with me. I was excited to go on some roller coasters as was Rachel. Dan on the other hand was thinking all we'd be doing is jam tasting and walking through mazes (don't ask me *shrugs shoulders*). Boy was Dan in for a surprise, and in some ways I was too.

Well, last Saturday we went down to taste some jam, er go on roller coasters. When we first entered the park my sense of sight was attacked by the shear volume of theme. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a cool theme. It was a ghost town theme...kind of, except it was full of people and devoid of ghosts. A few undead would have really made the place worthy of it's supposed theme, but I digress.

To get things off to a good start we decided to hit up a roller coaster called "Ghost Rider." Ghost rider rated a 5 out of 5 on the "Thrill" meter at Knott's Berry Farm. To give you an idea of how cool this roller coaster was I copy and pasted its stats below:

GhostRider®

THE WEST'S BEST WOODEN COASTER!

The Timber-Twisting Facts About....

The Track: 4,533 feet -- constructed from 2.5 million board feet of treated long-leaf southern yellow pine to blend in with Knott's classic Ghost Town theming.

The Height: 118 feet -- lowest point to highest point. One single, chain-driven lift raises mining cars to the crest of the initial hill, with the laws of gravity providing the power for the rest of the ride.

The Initial Drop: 108-foot banked drop - longest banked wooden coaster drop in the Western U.S. GhostRider reach a speed of 56 mph at an angle of 51 degrees at this point.

Length of Ride: 2 minutes

Speed: GhostRiders reach a maximum speed of 56 mph.

Number of Hills: 14

Number of Crossovers: 10

Number of Bridges: 3

Number of Brakes: 15

Number of Friction Drives: 4

Maximum Track Bank Angle: 42.5 degrees

G-Force: +3.14

As you can see by the scientific stats that I posted it = awesome (at least for Knott's Berry Farm because 6 flags pwns Knott's face).

After a level 5 thrill from Ghost Rider we decided to have lunch.

We went on a few more rides after lunch but none worth mentioning. In fact, Knott's Berry Farm itself isn't worth mentioning except for one ride. This one ride is the pinnacle of all rides thrill. I heard that the designers of this ride went mad after they conceived it because it was so AWESOME! True story. Although I had gone on many tall and fast rides in my life, none of which exist at Knott's Berry Farm, nothing could prepare me for the shear force of AWESOME that was/is...Hat Dance. And with a tag line such as, "Spin your own colorful sombrero to your heart's content" who could deny it's awesomeness. (Note to readers: Hat Dance is a cheap rip off of the Tea Cups at Disneyland...or is it?)

Just to show you how awesome this ride is I've made up the following stats:

Thrill level: 3 (this is actually true)

Speed: a whopping 10/mph...if that

ride length: too long once you get it spinning

Re-ride factor: 0.03%

Vomit factor: VERY HIGH

Okay, so, Dan, Rachel and me pile into a mexican salsa cup with a sombrero overhead at Rachel's request. We barely fit since it wasn't made to accommodate 3 adults. But we rolled with it, or rather spun with it. When the ride operator was done spewing out his instructions which no one cared to hear or could understand we decided to "Spin our own colorful sombrero to our heart's content." It went a lot like the scene from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder, where Willie Wonka takes them on a boat ride and then loses what little sanity he had left and just cracks on them and starts screaming like a madman and showing them videos of chickens getting their heads cut off. The only difference is that we weren't on a boat. After about a minute of spinning our teacup, er sombrero, and laughing maniacally and spouting off impromptu poems of madness I started to feel really sick to my stomach. And for the next 2 mins I just sat in the teacup, er sombrero and let my head thrash about because it took all my will power not to heave all over Dan and Rachel.

It took me about an hour and a half and a trip to the bathroom to shrug off the total awesomeness of the Mexican Hat ride.

I didn't do anything worth remembering after that, in fact I'm trying to forget Knott's Berry Farm altogether, but I don't think that I'll ever be able to forget that a "level 3 Thrill ride" called "Hat Dance" bested me after a life time of going on roller coasters that would make lesser men defecate in their pantaloons.

In the end:

Hat Dance: 1

Rich: 0

P.S. If you ever go to Knott's Berry Farm, which I highly don't recommend, don't follow any signs that say, "Knott's this way." Because they don't lead you to Knott's Berry Farm.

Dan in Real Life

I went to the movies tonight. I saw the movie "Dan in Real Life." The movie stars Steve Carell. I thought it was going to be a comedy. It wasn't. It was a ROMANTIC comedy. I don't know how much I want to admit that I went to a romantic comedy...alone. That ranks right up there when I convinced Ben to go see "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton." Yeah, that's right, two guys went to see Win a Date with Tad Hamilton with out girls. However, both experiences turned out fine. Although, I really wished I had a girl with me at Dan in Real Life. It was one of the best romantic comedies I've seen in a long time. So, don't hesitate to take that someone special to see it. 4.5 stars out of 5.

Also, just cuz I saw a chic flick alone doesn't mean I'm not manly still...

209+one+1 Angry Old Man x NINJA = Me Having a Good Day

I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AND SPELLING ERRORS!!!!!

209: I bowled a 209 today at lunch thus breaking my all time record high game once again.

+

One: The amount of games we wanted to win tonight at league because we were playing against the number one team. We bowled really well the third game in the series and consequently we won one game.

+

1 Angry Old Man: This guy is possibly the orneriest cuss in the league. He is constantly getting after people to stop bowling when he is on the approach. The only thing wrong with him doing that, is the people he's whining about are like 3-4 lanes away... He acts immature when he's having a bad night and is just plain mean. So, my goal tonight was to have our team bowl so well and hope his team bowled poorly (I know, I'm going to He#@ because of it) so that he would get upset and have a bad night. Well, he got so pissed at one point because of a bowler who was bowling at the same time as him, but 3 lanes away that he just flat out held his ball out and dropped it on the wood. Now, that wasn't because of any amazing bowling on my part or my teams, but he got mad and acted like a little baby and it made me slightly happier inside.

x

NINJA: I dressed up as a total ninja today for work. It was prolly the coolest thing this base has seen since the F-22 was tested here. In fact, here's a direct quote from one of my co-workers. "Lt Hart, I just love your ninja suit. It makes me want to give you high fives all day and all the money in my bank account!" I denied him the high fives but I told him to just write me a check for the money. True story. Man, I wish every day was Halloween.

=

Me having a good day.

Halloween Parties

I went to a halloween party last night with a bunch of Lts. I was dressed as the coolest thing ever to exist, a ninja! While I was at the party this thought came to my mind.

"How easy would it be for a REAL ninja to come to a Halloween party and kill someone and leave unnoticed and unsuspected?"

The answer is simple my friends. It would be too easy.

Here's why:

1. No body would see your face.

2. Everyone would just think, "Hey, some dude dressed up as a ninja." Where upon they'd sigh and wish they had also dressed up as a ninja.

3. Once the poison was dropped into the drink of the target all you would have to do is accept all the compliments from all the people wishing they had dressed up as ninjas and say, "Oh, it's getting late and I have a meeting in the morning." and then leave.

It's as simple as 1, 2, 3.

So, next time you're at a Halloween party make sure you bring your own bottled water or soda. It's your life. It's an easy choice if you ask me.

HALO 3: A Review

Please skip to the end for the short review if you don't want to read a poorly written, long winded review of HALO 3. That is all.

A couple of weeks ago I was tasked to host a HALO 3 "team building event." Tasked = assigned. I didn't know this until I joined the military. So, I was tasked by my Squadron Director, Mr. Wilson. He's a big gamer and he knew I liked games too, so I guess 1+1 happened.

So, I proceeded to get the word out to my squadron, the 95 MSSS! I sent an email with a cool slide attached and I talked it up to people and made announcements at PT. To my dismay, we only recruited about 5 people. This was bad because we had 8 Xbox 360s and 8 TVs. I was filled with relief when some random kids filled in the extra slots and promptly my relief was replaced with frustration as the teenagers proceeded to rock all of our worlds. Which brings me to my point, HALO 3: A Review.

Previous to the "Team Building Event," which is really just a justified excuse to get out of work for a while, I had never played HALO 3. I had played my fair share of HALO's 1 and 2 and was sure that my skills would some what transfer over. They did...some what. The game play for HALO 3 was about the same as the first two. The button lay out was the same with a few new exceptions and tricks. Although, I'm not a very big fan of the play style of HALO in general. I don't like the fact that you can just run around and jump and juke bullets. To me that is just plain stupid. I like games that you actually have to use cover and tactics to fight. But the Graphics were pretty insane compared to it's predecessors, and the new weapons were really fun to use. I especially like the gravity hammer and being able to dismount a heavy machine gun from a platform and run around with it. The levels were also new and exciting, but all this greatness soon started to lose it's luster as me and the others kept getting beat down by these punk teens.

We were all good sports, but I know the "95 MSSS Team" probably would have enjoyed it more if we weren't being killed every 2 seconds...or at least I would have. Now, we did win a team game against them, barely. But we out numbered them lol...which is sad.

Lessons learned and re-learned and after thoughts:

1. HALO 3 is more fun when you play with people about your skill level, up or down a few levels.

2. HALO 3 is more fun with more people.

3. Teens are good at HALO 3 cuz they don't have real jobs, or much of anything better to do. I know, I was once one. Although, I was spending my time getting good at Warcraft II at the time.

4. Teens like beating adults

5. In a street fight my team would have kicked those teens butts to china and back!

6. I have a real job and they don't and I don't live with my mom and they do.

7. I ate too much Panda Express before the event and I was feeling it...

8. I proceed to work until 7pm after I was done with HALO 3 which ended at 4:30. Working late sucks, but is sometime necessary.

9. I was also tasked to be the Christmas Elf for our work party this Christmas...yay and whoopee!....Who do they think I am, Dwight?

10. I'd give HALO 3, 4 out of 5 stars ****

Cool Guys Give the Head Nod, or do they...

So, I was at work the other day helping set up the decorations for the Air Force ball. See, the Air Force is turing 60 this year so it's a big to do. They have all sorts of sweet decorations and planes in the hanger where the ball is going to be held. Now, the hanger where the ball is going to be held is attached to building 1600. Building 1600 is like an indoor city. It's that big! It's so big it has street names and street signs on it's halls to let you know where you are. It even has a fitness center in it and a little restaurant. It was while I was walking down one of the named hallways that a most interesting and hilarious thing happened in front of me.

Guy cool was walking the opposite direction of me and on my left side about 15 feet ahead of me. He was the type that was built like a MAC truck, had the wife beater on, a pair of sunglasses on his head and "coolness" oozed out his ears (or at least that's what he thought).

So, guy cool spots a friend of his through a double glass door that I would be walking past momentarily. Well, when you're cool as that guy and you see your friend; the almost instinctual movement of jerking your head up a tad towards the direction of your friend (the cool guy head nod) is impossible for your body to resist. What guy cool forgot were the sunglasses sitting on his head. What once was a symbol of pure awesome (or at least that's what he want's you to think) turned into a emblem of embarrassment as they went flying from his head from the force of the head jerk.

Now, I didn't laugh...until I turned the corner. But man...oh man, it made me chuckle to see someone with such a swagger be totally humbled by his lack of situational awareness while trying to be cool.

I don't write this to be mean, it is merely what it is, a funny situation. However, karma seems to find it's way back around to me. So, I'm sure some time some where I'll do something stupid and someone else will write a blog about me.

Until next time, I bid you farewell *does head nod* DOH! *loses sunglass off head*

Tired face McGee (that's me!!!)

!!!WARNING, THIS POST CONTAINS A WARNING. IT'S MOST LIKLY GOING TO WARN YOU THAT I DON'T SPELL WELL OR USE GRAMMAR ALL THAT WELL!!!

Okay, so it's been a while since I wrote a note. Tell someone who cares, cuz I'm tired.

(This)

I feel I must address the topic of "Tired Face." The face one usually has when one is a night person and not a morning person.

Most people who know me generally enjoy my company (I hope =P), but most people who know me, also know that I'm a night person and most definitely NOT a morning person (they also know I like run on sentences and using parenthesis to explain things in my posts).

(is)

For as long as I can remember I have always been surly in the morning, that is, until I wake up (mentally), and that usually isn't until around sometime past noon, if I'm lucky. It was made even more apparent to me and others through regular attendance of early morning PT during college that I was indeed, NOT a morning person and I truly was surly, nay, sometimes even mean in the wee hours of the morning. I'd get comments like, "Hart, you look tired man." or "Hart, you awake?" even comments like, "Hey stupidface, why you look so tired?" (okay, I admit, the last comment isn't real). But, every morning was the same. I'd come to PT looking like I just woke up (which is entirely accurate, since, well, I HAD just woken up about 10 minutes prior to PT) and they'd make comments about my tired looking appearance. Now, either they never got tired of making comments like that (pun intended), or they had the memory of Dori from "Finding Nemo." (no pun intended, since it was not a pun). But I never understood why they kept doing it.

(a)

This brings me to my next point. Today I went to an early morning service project called operation KUDOS. It's basically a mock deployment for kids so they can see what it might be like for their parents when they leave to Iraq. However, the kids get a bunch of candy and don't get shot at, so, it's nothing at all like a deployment. The point of me mentioning operation KUDOS is that it was early in the morn. I got up at 6:45 on a Saturday after going to bed at 1am. Now, don't get me wrong. I wanted to be at the service project and I wanted to help the kids have a good time. But, as in 99.9% of all early morning experiences I have, I was surly and had a tired face. And guess what? I got some comments from my fellow Lts such as, "Hart, you look tired." It's like they think I don't know or something. But, I do. Oh yes, I know. So, after years of getting comments like this, I've come up with a way to get people off my back so I don't rip them a new one. I simply nod and smile. This method usually produces a laugh in the commenter and it defuses my blood rage (cuz it gets really annoying when people tell you, you look tired every time you go to a morning function, cuz guess what people, I KNOW I LOOK TIRED!!!)

(secret and coded)

Is it human nature to point out the obvious? Or do people just think I need a reminder that I look tired? Maybe they think they are joking? People, this is not a laughing matter. "Tired face" should never be laughed at or mocked. It should be cared for, or better yet, ignored. Yes, this is a general call to all the world, when you see me in the morning, just leave me the hell alone. And later in the day, say, past noon or something, I will be my normal happy self. And THEN we can make jokes.

P.S. It's really really really (that's 3 times) annoying when you come up to me and yell, or slap my desk, or make other loud noises just to wake me from my peaceful slumber. (you see, back in school I would sometimes fall asleep in class and this would happen. If I wanted to be woken up, I would have told you. Retard.)

(message)

I apologize for all whom I have offended with this post, as you very well may know, it's 1am (that's in the morning peeps) and I'm tired and surly. So, take this with a grain of salt and stop bothering me in the morning. =D

(between paragraphs)