Recently I have been hearing the word "sword" a lot. This has very much to do with the fact that it is in the Airmen's Creed.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airman's_Creed)

The word "sword" brings many awesome images to my mind when I hear it. It conjures up bright flashing katanas, or black stealthy ninjatos, rapiers, foils, broadswords, claymores, you name it. However, it brings pain to my ears as if a "sword" were being shoved into them when someone pronounces it wrong.

I have heard a few people really go crazy with the "w" in the word "sword."

I will direct you to an online dictionary that has a voice pronunciation guide on how to say "sword" correctly.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sword)

Just click on the little speaker icon and it will show you the light.

Now for those of you who need more than one reference, behold!

1. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sword)

2. (http://www.yourdictionary.com/sword) this dictionary is actually more lost than the poor souls at my work, it was pronouncing it "smells-word." Who knew?

3. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/sword)

4. (http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?refid=1861717595)

5. Here is a link to 28 other dictionaries. I don't want to list anymore.

(http://www.onelook.com/?loc=pub&w=sword)

There you have it. 31 (minus the retarded one) dictionaries online (and as we all know, everything we read/hear online is true) say that you don't pronounce the "w."

An Open Letter:

Dear Co-workers who insist on living in ignorance and pronouncing "sword" with a very heavy accent on the "w," You are wrong. Stop saying "swwwword" and start pronouncing it correctly. Sean Connery's antics on Celebrity Jeopardy are funny. You are not. You sound stupid. So, please either say it right or stick a "swwword" in my head so I don't have to hear your idiotic pronunciations. Better yet, stick the "sword" in your head.

Sincerely,

Your friend and co-worker, Richard Hart

I haven't been pissed off at anything enough to write a note about it lately. That pisses me off. So, I'm going to write a note about how I wish I was pissed off at something so I could write about it. (anyone know why my mom always used to get mad at me for saying "piss" or "pissed off?" Is pissed really that bad of a slang word? She didn't like crap either.)

It's like this. In my opinion, which is really all that matters at this point, is that most writers/song writers/authors/wordsmiths write better when they are pissed off more or less. I mean, take a good break up song for example. Those are almost always more emotional charged than some love song. And that's the way it should be!

All my faithful readers, of which there are none, may be wondering; "Did Rich just break up with someone?" and the answer would be no. You may also be wondering,just like me, if I used that semi-colon correctly in the first sentence of this paragraph. I really can't tell you. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I haven't had a girlfriend to break up with for a while.

Recently, I have been reading "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey. And guess what folks, he's a real person. I think me and Jack Handey are kindred spirits, but not in a gay way.

I bought some green shoes, some new jeans, a green shirt, and a white sweater jacket with orange and green stripes going down the arms. I think it looks cool, but then again I've been out of the fashion loop for a while.

Also, one more thing, sometimes I sensor my notes because I have friends on facebook and I wouldn't want certain informations leaking out. It sucks, cuz sometimes I just want to be like, (insert name here) really bugs the (insert expletive here) out of me.

The End.

Sometimes in school, like when I was in elementary school, I'd end my stories with "The End." Then my teachers would tell me that was stupid and not to do it anymore. So, I was like, WTF? It's the end of the story, what am I supposed to say? I guess they wanted me to write a really convincing ending paragraph that stood on it's own. Kind of like Milly's stew from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (points awarded for obscure movie reference.)

The End (for real)

Have you ever been hanging out with someone or in a group and there is that guy/girl who is hanging out with you but they aren't really engaged in the conversation or activity because they are too busy texting other people who aren't hanging out with said group? (yay for run on sentences!)

Or are you that guy/girl who is constantly texting while hanging out and can't seem to focus or give your full attention to the activity/conversation at hand?

Well if you are that guy/girl you might want to consider the following. Texting is the modern whisper. My mom told me not to whisper in front of others because it wasn't polite. I generally believe and follow that. I think the same can be said about texting in front of others if you are doing it to an extreme where you are disengaged with your present company. I think there will come a time where there are children's books and little moral lessons about not texting when you are in a group.

I know that it's necessary sometimes to text while in the company of others. We've all done it. But just remember this the next time you want to text while you are hanging out with people. "Texting is the modern whisper."

Also, it's really uncool to talk in another language in front of others who don't speak it. (i.e. Italian, Spanish, French, Swahili, insert a language here). I don't care if you want to practice. If you can't say what you want to say in English or the language that everyone in the room speaks, then don't say it until later when you are alone. It's really annoying and kind of awkward for the people who don't speak the language.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Well, I'm sure you've done both of the afore mentioned things." To that I say, yeah, I'm sure I have, but I'm trying to make a difference now and change it.

The million dollar question tonight is, "Why are traffic lights so dumb?"

If I knew the answer I'd be rich (and no, there is no pun intended there. That joke was old before you thought of telling it to me next time you see me.)

Okay, so I'm driving home from Family Home Evening tonight and I have an experience that I'm sure many if not all of you have had. I came to a 4 way intersection with a traffic light. As you may also know, there is a window of time between when the light goes from green to yellow to red where you can do one of two things. Most Utahan's (or if you like, insert said bad driver from said state here) believe it to be normal/safe/okay to try and speed through the intersection to avoid being caught in the red light trap of death. That would be your first option. Most other people think it's probably wiser and safer to slow down and just take the red light. There is your second option.

I however was not given the choice to dash through the light or to slow down. I missed that opportunity by coming up on the light when I was too far away and it had just turned red. I won't comment on what I would have done given the choice.

Being stuck in traffic at this red light was like most other red light experiences I have had, and no, I'm not talking about ladies of the night, that's another story. Being stuck at the light annoyed me. Because I don't like waiting at red lights. Who does?

To help the time pass I was burning holes in the other traffic light so I could know the instant it turned from green to red. That most glorious moment finally came and I turned my head to my own light. To my dismay I found that it was still red. So, I did a quick check to my left to see the other light. It was also still red. I thought to myself, 'Why are traffic lights so dumb?" Utterly annoyed and frustrated that all four lights were red and no one was able to go, I waited. I waited some more and finally my light turned green and I thought of this story on the rest of my drive home.

I don't know what devil worshiping mutants set the timers for the traffic lights in Rosamond but they need to be stopped.

An open letter to the City of Rosamond:

Dear City of Rosamond the supposed "Gateway to Progress,"

You are most definitely not the gateway to progress. In fact, you are the opposite of progress. You are crap. Please change the timers of your traffic lights so that the instant the other one turns red, mine turns green. If you cannot handle this momentous task then please send the City of Lancaster to do your dirty work.

P.S. Your traffic lights suck.

P.P.S. Your town hasn't changed much since "circa 1950's." Some gateway to progress...

V/R

Redfaced in Rosamond 

This is just a short little note on a subject that also needed to be talked about. I'm sure most people already do this, but to those of you who don't, I'm talking to you with this note. It's nothing personal, just fix it.

When you give a talk in church or share you testimony you shouldn't end it with, "In the name of thy son,....Amen." This is because you are addressing the congregation and not God.

However, if you were saying a prayer it would be completely appropriate to end your prayer with, "In the name of they son, .....Amen."

To end your talk or testimony you can use any variation of the following phrase: "In the name of....Amen." Just remember to not use, "In the name of thy son,....Amen." "Thy Son" being the key.

I hope I didn't offend anyone too much, but if you aren't saying it right take this opportunity to fix it. Thanks.

!!!!!WARNING!!!!!! I FULLY EXPECT TO OFFEND SOME PEOPLE WITH THIS NOTE, BUT I FEEL IT NEEDS TO BE SAID!!!!!!!

Saying Aloha or any other similar greeting during a talk in Sacrament meeting is wrong and disrupts the spirit.

When I experienced my first aloha I thought it was kind of unique. I even thought it was kind of cool. Then, as my life progressed and I experienced more and more alohas, I started to get annoyed and finally, upset.

Sacrament meeting isn't open mic night, it's not comedy hour and it's not a time for Alohas.

Some of you may be thinking, "But Rich, it's their culture and it doesn't do any harm" To that I say, so what if it's their culture and it DOES do harm. Using the old "that's their culture" line is bull crap. And it needs to stop. Here's an extreme example of culture that wouldn't be accepted in church for obvious reasons. What if you were from the hood/projects/slums and it was your culture to greet people with, "Sup Ni*$*, Mother F***ing Bi@*#?" I think most of us would agree that would be inappropriate not only to open a sacrament meeting talk, but also in any setting. It would certainly disrupt the spirit.

I mean, can you imagine some dude starting his talk with, "Sup Mother F*&#ers!?" Inevitably there would be some smart A@@ (probably me if I were there) in the congregation who would answer back, "Sup Mother F@#$er!" before the speaker was tackled by the Bishop and asked never to speak again.

You may be thinking, "but Rich, people wouldn't dare think of doing that in church." To that I say, people shouldn't dare think of saying aloha to open their talks in church.

So, what makes us think that saying Aloha is any different in principle? Because it's cute? or maybe because it's not a swear word(s)?

Well, guess what folks, it doesn't matter if it's cute or not a swear word because it still disrupts the spirit.

Now, notice, I didn't say Alohas were inherently bad. Since my Hawaiian is a little rusty, and by that I mean I've never had any Hawaiian classes in my life, I'm pretty sure Aloha means, "hello" and "goodbye." There is nothing wrong with saying aloha in other settings. For example, a good place to say aloha may be at a Toast Master's convention, or during a public speaking class, and possibly if you are meeting the in-laws for the first time and they are Hawaiian. But not in Sacrament meeting.

I'm 99.99% positive that I was in a Sacrament meeting where I not only had the displeasure of hearing an Aloha, but I also heard a Talofa or something. I think it was Samoan or Tongan. I also fully understand it's

some islanders culture to beat up/maim/kill people who get their different languages mixed up. I'll guess I'll have to take my chances with this note. lol But what the heck is up with two greetings in one Sacrament meeting!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!

In the end, if you take anything away from this note it should be this,

"Avoid opening your talks in Sacrament meeting with Aloha, Talofa, or any other islander greeting that requires a direct response from the congregation, and of course don't start with, Sup Mother F*&^%ers?!"

Until next time,

ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!! WARNING!!!! IN HONOR OF MY 50TH NOTE ON FACEBOOK, WHICH I'M SURE YOU ALL REALLY CARE ABOUT, I WILL BE WRITING 50 THINGS THAT BUG ME. !!!!WARNING!!!!

1. I can't stand Alberson's. Unfortunately for me, they are the closest grocery store to my house and my time is short, so I find myself shopping there out of convenience. But their convenience doesn't come with out a price. That price, is your soul...and your money. It's unbelievable how much they mark up their items. It's usually by a dollar or more. So, to make you feel like you saved money and they are heroes they make you get a card. The "preferred savings" card. That translates into the, "you have to get this card so you can buy stuff at what any other store would consider a normal price and then we track your purchases and send you advertisements about them" card. Quite frankly I'm appalled. But, I'm not in a big rush to drive 30 minutes to Wal-Mart either. So, I guess I'll just have to write a blog about how much I dislike Albertson's and their stupid preferred savings card.

2. Crazy Liberal Hippies

3. I can't stand light switches in bathrooms that activate both the light and the fan. I am a firm believer that those two functions should have separate switches.

4. slow internet

5. accidentally pushing the forward or backward button on my internet browser and losing all that I wrote on a note on facebook. ( I just did that, this is take two on this note.)

six. WHEN PEOPLE TYPE IN ALL CAPS

7. trying to get out of parking lots after a large meeting (i.e. any conference in the church, or large meetings on base)

ocho. when people speak in another language around you and you don't know it

00111001. (some of you will recognize this immediately, others will just realize that since it's right after eight, it must be....). Anti-American Hippies

10. Aquaman

once. losing my car keys, locking my car keys in my car...while running, locking myself out of my house...

12. hosting a BBQ, only to find out 20 mins before it starts, the propane tank has a problem and you won't be able to BBQ.

XIII. Barbarian Boots, especially the ones with little pom-poms hanging off them

14. people who think it's cool to fail at school...honestly folks, how is that cool

15. living/driving in snow

16. getting up early

17. Government standard thin toilet paper in public restrooms

18. People who use the carpool lane to pass. Learn to use the carpool lane correctly!

19. The little reflective bumps on the freeways. I always feel like my tires are going to pop when I drive over them. Those of you who haven't traveled outside of Utah may not know what I'm talking about.

XX. Meeting a hot chick who you can't date because she's either A. enlisted B. a non-member (idealistically she could convert, realistically it's not going to happen) or C. both

21. people who take political correctness out of proportion or who get easily offended by over generalizations. When you're talking to me and I overgeneralize, I absolutely 100% know that it's an over generalization and it's probably a gross over generalization and it's probably not true and there are exceptions to all the rules. But guess what, generalizations exist because generally they are true. Go figure. so, all you people who don't like over generalizations are stupid.

22. Ron Paul

23. not having a computer desk

24. Giving my tithing check to the ward and not having it cashed for like 2-3 weeks. In fact, any check that I give you better be cashed the same week I give it to you regardless of what it's for. I hate waiting for them to clear. Thank goodness for debit cards and PINs. They clear instantly.

25. Hearing the sound, "Irregardless"

26. Hearing someone say, PIN number or ATM machine (this really depends on my mood and if the girl is hot who said it)

27. people who won't admit that being physically attracted to a potential date/BF/GF/spouse is important, nay either #1 or #2 priority.

28. BYU (don't get me started)

29. when you start to write something with a pen and all of the sudden the ink runs out. So, you move it around in circles rapidly in another location on another piece of paper to get the ink flowing again, and then when you go back to write your original document it doesn't work again. Then you repeat the process and it still doesn't work. What is up with that?

30. Losing garment tops or bottoms. I have no clue how my garments get out of sync.

31. gas prices

32. dog's that bark for no apparent reason. What's up with that?

33. Apple's "mighty mouse." This is the second mouse I've had and the little gray ball broke again.

34. playing Tower Defense games on hard. How do they expect you to beat it? I can't imagine anyone beating it on insane.

35. random car problems that cost a lot of money to fix, that always seem to happen at inconvenient times

36. The fact that my 3.5% annual raise got vetoed and my raise is still up in the air

37. Stupid Hollywood stars who think the military gets paid too much

38. most forwarded emails. Although, Robbie does a good job at work at sending cool ones that I actually read.

39. skinny jeans

40. most of the popular fashion these days

41. European style shoes, you know, the ones with ridiculously long toes. They look like elf shoes. They look stupid.

42. people who aren't grateful

43. Gangs and gangsters. I say let them shoot each other out and get rid of them all.

44. Reality TV. nuff said.

45. Spelling and Grammar mistakes. I'm a hypocrite I know. However, if it's something I notice, it bugs me.

46. People who complain about getting hit with dodge balls while playing dodge ball

47. Losing a document because you forgot to save and the computer decides to crash

48. The smell of fish food

49. people talking on cell phones in the library! I will punch you in the mouth bone if you do that around me.

50!!! I think everyone will agree that Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns and Roses is about as kick arse a song as it gets. If you don't think that then you are a commie pig and anti-American and you can just get the heck out of my country. With that said, I went to itunes store and tried to buy the song. Unfortunately for me, my internet was being slow. And it was taking forever for it to do anything. So, I thought maybe if I pushed the purchase button again it would fix it. Well, it didn't. So, I pushed it another 2 times. Finally it download. The problem is this, itunes charged me 4 times for the song. And I can see it plainly on my online bank statement. That really bugs me. Although, considering the song purchased, I decided to let it slide.